You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
