Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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