I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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