you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
