I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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