i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize