it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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