I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
