Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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