Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
