the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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