so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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