There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sober January is a disaster.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
