Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
