glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
