Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
