You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
