Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
