i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
