if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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