Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
