OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
