cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
