Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
