No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he thought i was a dude.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
