it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
