I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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