The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
