I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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