I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
People in love make me want to vomit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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