I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
