God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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