idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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