I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
