i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
