Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
