im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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