just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
