when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
