her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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