just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
