Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
