I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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