Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
