3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
