she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
