ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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