i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
