I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
