Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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