I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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