I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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