Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
