Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize