Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.