OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.