is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.