Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
