I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
