are you still at the devil's house?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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