my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
