You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
