he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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