i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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