peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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