I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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