my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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