I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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