were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
