Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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