Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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