if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
