Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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