he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
