I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
