After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
