sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
