i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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