Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
