Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
