Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
