I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
