I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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