so explain again why im purple
no
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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