I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
