You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
