Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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